SEXLESS MARRIAGE
The term "sexless marriage" is used to describe a marriage in which sex is either non-existent or there are long stretches of time between sexual encounters. Healthy sex is an important part of any marriage, as it allows a couple to engage in "safe playfulness" together; which can enhance bonding. Additionally, oxytocin (a.k.a. the "love" and/or "bonding" hormone) is often released during the process; which also enhances bonding between a couple. If you are in a marriage without sex, or infrequent sex, you aren't alone. According to a study done in 2018 through the Sociology Department at Georgia University, 15-20%  of couples in America reported not having sex in the past year. 

Although sexless marriages often lead to distance within the relationship and, ultimately, divorce, unsatisfying and/or "empty" sex can be just as problematic. Studies suggest that sexual addiction, in particular an addiction to viewing and masturbating to pornography, often ​plays a large role in creating dissatisfying sex between partners, which can lead to divorce. A 2002 survey from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that roughly 60% of the 350 divorce lawyers interviewed cited internet pornography as playing "a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases."  Viewing pornography reinforces the idea that the person being viewed is an object whose purpose is solely to give pleasure to the viewer. This way of thinking often pervades the addict's mind and can cause rifts in a relationship where they have to "deal with" their spouse who is a real person with wants, needs, and feelings. 
THE ROLES OF INTIMACY ANOREXIA® AND SEXUAL ADDICTION
​IN SEXLESS MARRIAGE

Intimacy Anorexia® and sexual addiction can both play major roles in sexless marriages as well as contribute to dissatisfying sexual encounters between partners. 

Intimacy Anorexia®
  • Constant criticism, causing isolation for the partner
  • A need to create distance with the partner
  • Withholding love from the partner
  • Withholding sex from the partner
  • Staying so busy that no time is spent with the partner
  • Blaming the partner for all the relationship problems
  • Unwilling to discuss feelings with the partner, including feelings about sex
  • Withholding praise and appreciation for the partner, causing them to pull away
  • Purposely picking fights with the partner so that they won't have to be sexually intimate

Sexual Addiction
  • Having distorted attitudes and perceptions about sex
  • Viewing people as "objects" for their own pleasure
  • Attempting to recreate pornographic sexual scenarios, making their partner feel uncomfortable
  • Becoming dissatisfied with anything but pornography for sexual release
  • Developing unrealistic expectations within the relationship
  • Desiring to engage in increasingly "risky" behavior in order to get sexual satisfaction
  • Concentrating on getting "a thrill" out of sex to the exclusion of nurturing the relationship
  • Drawing closer to the porn world and, in turn, distancing themselves emotionally from the partner
  • Feeling a high sense of shame around their activities, causing withdrawal 
​
MOVING COUPLES FROM SHATTERED TO STRONG™
Seattle, WA